Deadline Approaching...

[Diesel]

Hawks Headquarters: BK, Wood, Nique, and Smitty all sitting around talking.

Wood: I just think we need to do something. Everybody seems to think that my job is on the line.

BK: Don't worry about your job. I gotchur back!!

Smitty: What happen the other day with Young Vlade?

Wood: He thinks he knows more than me. I had him in the game playing against Portland and it was his time to come off the court.

Nique: You mean, he was stinking up the place... not running plays right...not effective?

Wood: No. I looked at the clock and noticed he had been in the game 2 minutes 34 secs and that's the amount of time that everybody not named Horford gets at Center.

Smitty: How do you build up confidence.

Wood: It's simple.. They know when they come in and they know when they go out. They can power up like the thundercats because they know that in 2 Minutes 34 seconds, they should do all that they have to do?

Smitty: That's a new one on me!?!?!!? What if somebody gets hot?

Wood: Hot. That's what we want. We want them to get Hot, so that they can give the next guy incentive to play just as hard. I do the same thing with scoring. When somebody gets hot, my PGs know to pass it off to somebody else so that they can get hot too!!

Nique: But...

Phone Rings

Bk picks up.

Bk: Hello

Logo/Ivaroni on conference call..

Logo: Bk, we hear that you're interested in your old friend Pau. I'm willing to work out a deal for you.

BK: I've herd that there's a standing offer. Ha ha ha...

Logo: I'm afraid that that's just my coach Ivaroni putting out feelers. He obviously is not in charge here.

BK: I thought you had stepped down.

Logo: Hell-To.... I was just trying to get my Lakers job back but those idiots didn't want me back. I'm the Logo damnit!! Not Wilt, Not Russell, Not Jordan, Not James... ME!! I'd kick all of their asses.

Ivaroni: You are legendary in my country Logo. All the women have footage of you whipping Wilt Chamberlain's ass.

Logo: You idoit, he was on my team. That was Russell.

Ivaroni: OH.

Logo: Hush up and let me handle this. Like I was saying BK, I'm the logo and I get what I want and here's the deal... We will give you Pau. We will give you Warrick. We will give you Brian Cardinal and all we want is Marvin, The Joshes, and all of your expiring contracts.

Now that's a good deal!!!

BK: Do you know How long it has taken me to build this team and you want me to give it to you for that???

Logo: Raheem Warrick is better than any Sunbitch in this trade!! Plus you get Pau and the road warrior Brian Cardinal!!!

BK: Are you kidding me?? Hakeem Warrick sucks and Marvin + Both Joshes? I'm getting punked right? Come on out Asheton.. You had me going that time!!!

Ivaroni: I must have Josh Smith!! He needs me to coach him. He can be great!!

Logo: Didn't I tell you to Hush. I'm handling this negotiation!!! You've just contradicted what I said about Rakeem Warrick!!! Didn't I say he was better than any sumbitch in this trade? BK, You can't find a better deal than this. You get an allstar and two guys who got a lot of votes to be on the allstar team for some of your bad draft picks and expiring contracts. You're getting the Shaq and Kobe of our time!!!

BK: Wow. I can't believe this? IF their so good, why do you want to trade them?

Logo: It' s not just me. It's the organization. We're going broke!! We don't have our own plane. We fly Southwestern!!

BK: We do too!!

Logo: We don't have a practice facility. We practice at the Boys Club.

BK: We practice at Grant Park!!

Logo: I don't have anything with Memphis Grizzlie logo on it. If I have to send out a letter, I have to hand draw a Grizzlie. It looks like Smookie the Bear most of the time.

BK: You should do what I do, go to the internet and cut and paste your letterhead.

Logo: Internet? What's that??

BK: Damn, you guys are going broke!

Ivaroni: Yes, we're broke. I have to coach the team and my children sweep and wax the floors. Some guy named Big Country comes into wash our uniforms. We played Houston and Shane Battier was flossin!! He had an extra value meal from McDonald's!!!

Logo: So you see, if you make this trade, next year we might be able to buy a jet or at least stationary with our letterhead on it!!

BK: I'm going to have to say NO, But I will think about a deal!!

BK hangs up the phone.

BK: Could you believe that. He's always trying to steal from me. I made that team in Memphis and he stole it.

Smitty: Well, you're here now!

Phone Rings. Bk picks it up. It's Pat Riley!

Riles: BK, I wonder if you can do me a favor. We're in a really bad situation down here and we need one of your players.

BK: I'm listening.

Riles: Tyronne LOU... How about a trade of LOU and Marvin Williams for Jason Williams (White Chocolate).

Smitty: Not for the Closer.

Riles: The Closer? YOu mean that chick Kyra Sidgwick. Yea, I like that chick too.

Smitty: NO, the Closer.. Tyronne Lue!

Riles: Oh, Lue likes the closer too!

Smitty: NO, Lue is the Closer.

Riles: I think you're mistaken. The Closer comes on TNT.. and it's that chick... She solves cases.

Smitty: No, Lue is our Closer.

Riles: What does he Close?

Nique: He closes down our offense. He closes in our defense. If we have a lead, he helps the other team close in. If we're losing, he helps the other team close out!

Riles: Oh, I see. Well, none of that matters to me. Da Big Fella is going through a bad divorce and he said he wanted Lue on the team. He said Lue could always make him feel better!

BK: So why do you want Marvin?

Riles: Oh, it's just to make the salaries work. You know truthfully, White chocolate is better than Marvin.

BK: Are you kidding.

Riles: No... It's a fact. Only good players get a nickname. You know like "the matrix", "the big ticket", "Da big Aristotle". Now, I know about "white Chocolate". But What's Marvin's nickname?

BK: He doesn't have one.

Riles: Ya see. He's not as good as JayWill... opps... another one. I look around and I see Jay Will with 2 nicknames and Marvin has none. Nobody calling him Mwill. Nobody calling him Marvwill. Nobody calling him MoWill. Nobody calling him the demon from Breamon. NOthing. So the way I see it, you wil get a great PG... and I will get da big fella a playmate!!

Nique: How bad is the divorce?

Riles: She said he spend $24,000 per month on gas!!! He's going to be playing til he's 50.

Nique: Damn, I'm glad it's not me.

Riles: By the way, congratulations on your new kid. I'm working on two myself!

BK: let me get back to you.. I have to think.

RIles: Just remember, Nickname!! You can have Smoove, Chillz, and JayWill and Joe Cool...

or you can have: The closer. Hahahahahaha!!

Wood: we can't trade the closer!! He's been playing great!! Whenever somebody gets hot, he takes the ball out of their hand just like I like!!

Nique: Did you ever consider that our losing coincides with Lue's return? He's closing us out of the playoffs.

[Iman]

Lmao, I especially like the Woody stuff on minutes and how he likes to get the team hot. Demon from Breamon and Rakeem were great also.

[bumpyphish1]

Quote:

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Smitty: No, Lue is our Closer.

Riles: What does he Close?

Nique: He closes down our offense. He closes in our defense. If we have a lead, he helps the other team close in. If we're losing, he helps the other team close out!

---

That is good stuff Diesel. Stick to these instead of your 6 trade proposals per day.

[DrReality]

You've got too much time on your hands.

[TheNorthCydeRises]

LMAO @ "I had to hand draw a Grizzlie"

I always appreciate good creative writing. Good stuff D.

[Swatguy]

"I'm the Logo Damnit!!"

[Dragitoff]

The Smokie the Bear line was classic!

[AnakinJoe]

F'ing hilarious.

The Closer riff was my favorite.

[bonethugz]

the best i've read for quite some time. good stuff

[TroyMcClure]

Quote:

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Smitty: How do you build up confidence.

Wood: It's simple.. They know when they come in and they know when they go out. They can power up like the thundercats because they know that in 2 Minutes 34 seconds, they should do all that they have to do?

Smitty: That's a new one on me!?!?!!? What if somebody gets hot?

Wood: Hot. That's what we want. We want them to get Hot, so that they can give the next guy incentive to play just as hard. I do the same thing with scoring. When somebody gets hot, my PGs know to pass it off to somebody else so that they can get hot too!!

---

I know you are trying to be funny, but this actually seems like how we operate. lol!

[Diesel]

Quote:

---

Quote:

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Smitty: How do you build up confidence.

Wood: It's simple.. They know when they come in and they know when they go out. They can power up like the thundercats because they know that in 2 Minutes 34 seconds, they should do all that they have to do?

Smitty: That's a new one on me!?!?!!? What if somebody gets hot?

Wood: Hot. That's what we want. We want them to get Hot, so that they can give the next guy incentive to play just as hard. I do the same thing with scoring. When somebody gets hot, my PGs know to pass it off to somebody else so that they can get hot too!!

---

I know you are trying to be funny, but this actually seems like how we operate. lol!

The funniest jokes are laced with the truth...

[AHF]

This was well done, D! Funny stuff with more than a nugget of truth buried among the laughs.

[cowa]

Best one yet! Thanks for the laughs!

[DJlaysitup]

"Logo: It' s not just me. It's the organization. We're going broke!! We don't have our own plane. We fly Southwestern!!

BK: We do too!!"

LOL - Sister's of the poor -